It seems to me that the sad songs are the ones that seem to have the most impact, they seem to linger the longest and cut the deepest. All the lyrics make sense, they all are so applicable. I'm wondering, am I molding myself to be just another sad song? Is it my mind that makes all these sad songs mold so well to my life story?
I had a moment of clarity a few nights back, and I've figured out much of what ails my soul the deepest. I love him. I am crazy about him, but I'm never going to have him. He's gone to do that things that he does, and I'm never going to be there.
In this brief moment of inner clarity I thought I could do without all others, finally commit, and it all seemed ever so easy, I wondered why I hadn't done it before. Afterwards, when I had sobered up, I realized that I can't commit to an idea. Its very hard to commit to a person who has no involvement in your life, even if they're just an idea.
I seem to need something physical. My most recent one is getting old, I just don't feel those same feelings for him, I'm quite bored. Not to say that I don't care, but I just don't care romantically.
I'm going to try to keep the fire going with my other, my first. He seems to be the only one who has lasted this long, and I think that he's going to stick around this time. My thoughts are so naive, but I cannot escape them. Maybe this time he will be around longer and we can have that great romance I've always had in my head. My obsession has lessened, so I believe some how this could work in some form or another.
These words will fill me with so much regret in the future, but currently, they are all I have.
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